05.16.09

I have been suffering from post traumatic stress syndrome, due to an unusual case of bad judgement on my part, don't be so shocked, every once in a blue moon, I do something stupid (like the time I dyed my hair with red kool-aid). Friday I decided I would run in the Ogden Half Marathon, that was being held in 16 hours the following morning, because Daddy Chad got me a free pass to run. I have to admit I got caught up in the frenzy, of the frenzy, of the whole event!! I went down and picked up my registration packet and mingled with the best of them. We talked about running, blister remedies, goo, diarrhea, etc. I had the lingo down and the strut to convince everyone I was a REAL runner.

At the start of the race I had visions of how wonderful it was going to be! The crowd was going wild, my legs were as if I was running on wings of eagles and my heart was full of exhilaration. "Wow I rock!!" I thought. "I actually could win this thing!" Then I reached about a quarter of a mile, my legs got heavy and my heart started to beat in my head (never a good sign for me).

I kept running through the pain, thanks to a controlled substance administered to me by my couzie (I love you couzie!!) and some sweet tunes from Haun Home to drown out my horse breathing loud breaths. At about mile four I popped another round of herbal caffeine supplements. "Thank goodness I didn't have to pass a urine sample test at the finish line," I thought, "I was sure I was over the legal limit of caffeine at mile six (I guess that is one of the perks of being average, you escape the steroid patrol)." I ran into my Neighbor Skip around mile seven (was it mile seven Skip?) We had a fun chat and he was able to take my mind off the running by talking to me -You Rock Skip!! By mile nine, I began to search the surrounding environment for a pair of those paddles that re-start your heart. They were no where to be found, "what kind of a race is this?" I thought. By mile eleven I hit the wall, the only thing that kept my legs out in front of me were my delusional ideas that I was being chased by someone who wanted me to come listen to their time share presentation (it'll just be an hour, it will just be an hour). Jenny, my friend that talked me through the last two miles gave me some advice when we hit the long straight away to the finish line. "don't look up," she said, "if you do, you will stop running." I consider Jenny to be wise, thus I kept my head down watching my stubby little feet fall against the pavement. AND eventually those feet crossed under a yellow banner that had the words FINISH LINE printed in bold letters.

*** Saturday night the only part of my body that did not hurt was my left pinkie fingernail. Sunday morning it took me hours to move around and get my church clothes on (-staying awake in church was a whole other battle). Chad Took good care of me (he only ran the whole marathon). By Sunday night I had some pain free moments in my elbow and hair follicles on my head. By Monday my cognitive thinking skills returned. Thus I would like to offer this tidbit of wisdom for anyone attempting a marathon the night before; caffeine suppliments can only take you so far; stupidity can take you the rest of the way, but you must be willing to pay the price.