RULES TO LIVE BY

I went running a few days ago. The day after my run the following conversation took place between a person, who I shall refer to as idiot, and myself.

Idiot: Hey, I saw you speed walking yesterday.
I think to myself, "excuse me mista.......that was called running."
Kelli: Actually, I was running not speed walking there is a difference."
Idiot: WELL, you were not running when I saw you.....you definately were speed walking.
I think to myself.......he is a bigger loser than I thought.
Kelli: Hmmmmm......no, I am pretty sure I was running the whole time.
Idiot: WELL, I must have saw you when during the time when you weren't "pretty sure"
I think to myself do you want to take this outside buddy?
Kelli: Ha, Ha. See you around....Mr. Runner Police.
I secretly flipped him off in my mind as he turned and walked away.

I feel bad for mentally flipping him off, thus I decided to come up with my own Runner's etiquette to help other's not make the same mistake our village idiot did and to save people the humiliation of being called a speed walker when they are really a runner.
RUlE numero UNO: If the person looks like they are making a concerted effort. Call it running and not speed walking. This is the polite way. For example say, "Wow, I saw you out running the other day Kelli, one minute you were there and....flash.....the next minute you were gone. Don't say, "I didn't know you were a speed walker?"
Rule #2: Look for clues to distinguish a runner from a speed walker. In running generally there is more perspiration than walking and people generally tend to move their legs a little bit faster. (Runners also tend to poop their pants more than walkers....sorry to be so graphic, but, I have seen a lot of marathons in my days). Use this as a guide to help you decide if you are dealing with a runner or a speed walker.
RUle #3: If you can't tell if they are running or walking by the clues, error on the same side you would if you were wondering if a woman is pregnant. Case in point: NEVER ask a woman if she is pregnant unless you see a baby emerging at that exact moment (best advice I could ever give). Thus, just assume the "exerciser" is a runner and not a speed walker......this will make them feel good.
RULE #4: Always, Always, Always end on a positive. Tell them they were looking good running. For example you should say, "You know what you were looking great out there just a running along the side of the road. " Don't ever say, "Hey, yeah so I saw your bum jiggling around as you were speed walking the other day. You looked like you were about to have a heart attack."